Hills

While I was attending Utah State, I climbed this huge hill called Old Main before class every day. It's not too long of a walk, but it is steep, and quite the workout. It was a mini-victory for me each time I climbed the hill, especially if I could do it without getting winded (which, mind you, was rare). Old Main became a great metaphor for accomplishing each year: passing classes, staying sane, trying to live healthier; and walking up it allowed me to meditate on my way to school. I am a person who needs to feel like I'm progressing, and Old Main helped me feel that way. I had a direction, a sense of purpose, and each year became a little easier and clearer.

This is why I loved finding out that when I get off the bus for school, I have small hill to climb. For some reason, hills make me happy. I couldn't help but smile my first time climbing it to class, and the people passing by thought I was probably a little punchy or something. Although this hill is much smaller than Old Main, it's still a great metaphor for the climbing I will have to do in the next three years before I reach my goal.

Today we did a hike up Rattlesnake Gulch. It was the first time in the longest time that I felt connected to nature - which is something I love. Passing through overhung branches of aged trees, witnessing the slowly changing leaves, hearing the scattered remains of the mountain underneath my feet, and feeling the wind tickle my skin and dance through my hair was absolutely magical. Throughout the last few weeks I have been able to open myself to more than I thought was possible. It's crazy how we think we know ourselves until we really look in the mirror, and the reflection is not what we thought it would be. I am attempting to let go of my fear: fear of the unknown, fear of loss, fear of uncomfortable discovery; and accept and love what I am becoming. I am currently undergoing serious construction and remodeling of myself, and hopefully what will reflect back to me at the end of it all is something I can relate to, connect with, and love.

Until next time.