Feminism and Chivalry

A few months ago, while I was skating at a local teenage hangout, I saw a young man grab another girl’s backside and skate off. The only thing I could assume from this interaction was that they at least were friends, due to the friendly nature they had with one another. I do not know their dating history, sexual orientation, or previous discussions on grabbing one another’s body parts; yet this action left me feeling sad: sad because of the young girl’s reaction. After this young man had publicly objectified her, she seemed, while embarrassed, also extremely flattered. I began thinking about this objectification, particularly among the youth, and how a man showing carnal interest in a woman by touching or grabbing sensitive areas without consent is looked at as wanted by many of the girls in our society. Even girls who do not want this, and become embarrassed and uncomfortable by this “flattery”, don’t have the courage to stand up for themselves because they will then be seen or be called a “bitch”, and then undesirable. Adolescence is a tumultuous time for everyone, men and women alike, and each sex battles a loss of voice in a certain way (Gilligan, 1977). Boys are taught to suppress the will to communicate emotions other than aggression, and girls have largely been taught that standing against patriarchy is futile and bitchy. Though this is beginning to change on certain fronts, as people are feeling safe enough to express what they think or feel; oppressive traditionalism still impedes our society. I can assume that most, if not all of us, have encountered this at some point in our lives.

That is not to say that certain traditional remarks should completely disappear. I have heard on multiple occasions that feminism has killed chivalry. If you want to look at it that way, then, sure, it has. Personally, I disagree with this. Feminism has enlightened chivalry, to show the strengths of men, rather than the suffocation of women. Think about it: many men receive “points” if they bring flowers to a first date, open a car door for their partner, or fight for their honor.** These things do not necessarily show the weaknesses of women, but the assets of a man. However, there are women who view this type of chivalry as suffocating, and to compensate for the weakness they feel at being suffocated throughout history, they begin to oppress chivalry and all that it represents. It is not a bad thing to question the norm, if we didn’t then many awful, hurtful events would still exist today. This competition between feminism and traditionalism would be better suited if people recognized love and compassion instead of fear and hurt. Does chivalry necessarily hurt anyone? Its foundations were based in respect for women, something which feminism also strives for. Slapping a man or woman on the ass is not chivalric, nor respectful. It lowers their humanity to be less than: less than the need for consent, less than the need for respect. This behavior paves the way for many of the distasteful acts we hear glorified on the evening news: rape, molestation, assault, etc. largely because we aren’t taught to respect ourselves by respecting others. These issues exist, and they exist because of years of silence. I commend those men and women who have made their voices heard.  

**Disclaimer: This blog does not intend to devalue the relationships or issues of rape, molestation, or assault within the LGBTQ community.